Today is...  

"No son todos los que están, ni están todos los que son." —Tio Genaro

¿Are Thou Politically Correct?
You and I know that every one passionately strives to be "cool, avant-garde, and, of course, politically correct." You can hardly say anything to anyone anymore, because they might get "offended" if a tiny speck of boo-boo falls in their politically correct 'botella de lechita'... or better said, "lacteous nourishment container."  How about "homeless" becoming —"outdoor urban dwellers"? Hearest thou an Amén?

Nowadays, children hit and disrespect their parents and you can't spank 'em anymore, cuz they lock you up! Prisoners now demand their victims... and as my Tio Genaro used to say "Birds shoot back at the shotguns." Gasp!! ...I know no' mo'.

A Criminal - unsavory character
A Crook - morally (ethically) challenged
Abortion - Near-Life Experience
Alcoholic - Anti-Sobriety Activist
Alive - temporarily metabolically abled.
An Immigrant - a newcomer
Assassination - involuntary term limitation

Bald - comb-free
Bald - folically independent
Bald - follicularly challenged.
Battle Fatigued - shellshocked
Blind - optically darker

Blind - visually impaired or
photonically non-receptive

Body Odor - nondiscretionary fragrance.
Broken Down Automobile - mechanically challenged
Broken Home - Dysfunctional Family
Bum - Displaced Homeowner
Bum - Homeless Person
Bum - Involuntarily Domiciled

Cannibalism - Intra-Species Dining
Censorship - Selective Speech
Chancla - Light Footwear
Cheating - Academic Dishonesty
China - Porcelain
Chronically Late - Temporarily Challenged
Clumsy - uniquely coordinated
Commercial Fisherman - Flipper Whipper
Computer Illiterate - Technologically Challenged
Corpse - Permanently Static Post-Human Mass
Corpse / Stiff - Metabolically Challenged
Corpse / Stiff - Terminally Inconvenienced
Cowardly - Challenge Challenged

Cowboys

 bovine control officers, cattle administrators

Crackpot - certified astrological consultant, certified crystal therapist, or certified past-life regression hypnotist
Crime Rate - street activity index

Dead - Actuarially Mature
Dead - biologically challenged
Dead - environmentally correct human
Dead - living impaired
Dead - metabolically challenged
Dead - persons living with entropy
Deaf - Visually Oriented
Delicatessen - Corpse Farm
Dirty Old Man - sexually focused chronologically gifted individual
Dish Washer - utensil sanitizer
Dishonest - Ethically disoriented.
Dorm - Residence Hall
Drooling Drunk Idiot - person on floor
Drowning - aquatically challenged
Drug Addict - Chemically Challenged
Drunk - spacially perplexed
Drunk / Junkie - in recovery

Earthquake - geological correction
Ears - Auditory Conical Devices
Eyes - Vision Glands

Fail - achieve a deficiency.
Fat - Differently Weighted
Fat - gravitationally challenged
Fat - horizontally challenged.
Fat - horizontally gifted
Fat - People of Mass
Fat - person of substance

Fictional / Mythological - ontologically challenged
Freshman - first-year student
Frog - amphibian American
Full of Crap - fecally plenary

Gang - Youth Group
Garbage Man - sanitation engineer
Gas Station Attendant - petroleum transfer technician
Geek, Nerd, whatever... - socially challenged
Ghetto / Barrio - Ethnically Homogenous Area

Hamburger - Seared Mutilated Animal Flesh
Handicapped - Differently Abled, Handi-Capable
Having PMS - cyclically challenged
Hearing Person - temporarily aurally abled
Homeless - outdoor urban dwellers
Homeless - residentially flexible
Homelessness - Mortgage-Free Living
Housebroken - Family Dysfunction
Housewife - domestic engineer

Hunter - Animal Assassin. Bambi Butcher

Hunter - Meat Mercenary

Ignorant - factually unencumbered
Ignorant - knowledge-based nonpossessor.
Incompetent - Differently Qualified
Incompetent - Specially Skilled
Incompetent - Uniquely Proficient
Insane People - Mental Explorers
Insane People - Selectively Perceptive
Insult - Emotional Rape

Janitor - sanitation engineer
Jury - criminal decision panel
Job - place of employment

Key - door opening apparatus
Klutz - kinesthetically challenged
Kill - deprive of life

Large Nose - nasally gifted
Lazy - motivationally dispossessed
Lazy - motivationally deficient.
Learning Disability - Self-Paced Cognitive Ability
Library - Educational Resource Center
Logger - Wood Weasel
Logger - Paper Pirate
Logger -Treeslayer
Loser - Second Place
Loser - uniquely fortuned individual on an alternative career path

Man-hole - maintenance hole
Mankind - humankind
MANkind, HuMAN, PerSON - Earth Children
Mercy Killing - Euthanasia
Mercy Killing - Putting Down/To Sleep/Out of Misery
Messy - differently organized
Meter Maid - Parking enforcer
Midget / Dwarf - Little People
Midget / Dwarf - Vertically Challenged
Mute/Dumb - verbally challenged

Off - energy-efficient
Old - chronologically gifted
Old Person / Elderly - Gerontologically Advanced
Old Person / Elderly - Senior Citizens

Panhandler - Unaffiliated applicant for private-sector funding.
Paper Bag - processed tree carcass
Perverted - Sexually dysfunctional.
Pimp-mobile / Low-rider - Culturally Responsive Transportation
Plagiarism - Previously Owned Prose
Po' - financially inept
Policeman, Policewoman - law inforcement officer
Poor - economically marginalized
Poor - Economically Unprepared
Poor - monetarily challenged

Postman - letter carrier

Pregnant - parasitically oppressed.
Prisoner - client of the correctional system
Prostitute - sex care provider
Psychobabble - constructivist feminist psychotherapy
Psychopath - socially misaligned

Racist - genetically discriminating
Really Big Nosed - nasally disadvantaged
Redneck - person of region
Redneck - rustically inclined
Refugees - asylum seekers
Road Kill - Vehicularly Compressed Maladapted Life Form
Rudeness - Tact Avoidance
Runny Nose - nasally gifted

Senile Bag o' Bones - Alzheimer's Victim
Serial-Killer - Person with difficult-to-meet needs.
Shoplifter - Cost-of-Living Adjustment Specialist
Short - vertically challenged
Sighted Person - temporarily visually abled
 

Single - Not with somebody at the
moment, romantically challenged

Slum - Economic Oppression Zone
Slut - suffering from a sex addiction (female)
Someone who has no other reason to park in a handicapped zone - morally handicapped
Spendthrift - negative saver.
Stained - creatively re-dyed
Steward, Stewardess - flight attendant
Stoned - Chemically inconvenienced.
Stud - suffering from a sex addiction (male)
Stupid - differently-brained
Stupid - intellectually impaired

The Elderly - Senior citizens
Thin - horizontally challenged
Thirsty - osmotically challenged
Tone Deaf - musically delayed
Too old/young - other aged
Too Tall - people of height
Tree-Hugger - environmental activist

Trees - Oxygen Exchange Units

Ugly - aesthetically challenged
Ugly - Cosmetically different.
Ugly - facially challenged
Unemployed - Involuntarily leisured.
Used Books - Recycled Booksagrant

Vegetable - noble unconscious hero
Vice President - Post-Coronary Leader of the Free World
Vocal Minority - target equity group
Vomiting - Unplanned Reexamination of Recent Food Choices

Waiter, Waitress - food server
War-Monger - Peacekeeper, patriot
Welfare Bum - economically disadvantaged
Whaler - Blubber Lover
White - melanin-impoverished
White American - racially challenged
White Boy - rhythmically challenged
White Trash - caucasian culturally-disadvantaged
Wife - unpaid sex slave
Worst - least best.
Wrong - differently logical.

Zenith - place above your head

Zipper - garment closing device

The possibilities are endless. We can change the whole language in such a way that if Abe Lincoln was alive today, he'd say"

"¿What the..."