(Random Order)
 

ACCIDENT, n. An evitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws by unattentive participants engaging in unprecedented idiocies...  A Toyota in a china hutch.

FORK, n. An instrument used by the Puerto Rican aristocrats for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth. We jibaros use our fingers. Formerly the knife was used for this purpose, and by many worthy persons is still thought to have many advantages over the fork or fingers, which, however, they do not altogether reject, but use to assist cutting the dead meat. The immunity of these persons from swift and awful death is one of the most striking proofs of God's mercy to those that hate Him. SEE AMAZING PUERTO RICAN FORK

FOOL, n. A person who claims to be present throughout the intellectual circles and dilutes himself through the channels of moral activity. He's a wannabe omnific, omniform, omnipercipient, omniscience, omnipotent. He claims he it was who invented letters, printing, the railroad, the steamboat, the telegraph, the conga drum and the circle of the sciences. ...and also created patriotism and taught the nations war -- founded theology, philosophy, law, medicine and The San Juan Ferry. In the twilight he prepares Man's evening meal of milk-and-morality and turns down the covers of the universal grave. And after the rest of us shall have retired for the night of eternal oblivion he will sit up in the porch with a sewing kit to mend garments of the passersby... (No, it's not me.)
SEE THE FOOL

POLITICS, n. The higher denomination of the bills in your wallet that plays a strife of interests masquerading as a contest of
principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage, one step short of a snake. See Politics